Relationships

7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Mar 2026 16:11:11 +0000

7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 03/27/2026 - 10:11

If you or a friend is concerned that a drug-facilitated sexual assault has happened, you can reach out to OVA for free and confidential support.

Sexual assaults are often carried out by friends, acquaintances, partners, exes or by a person someone has just met online or at a party. Perpetrators often rely on substances (with or without the other person’s knowledge) to commit sexual assault.

Here are seven things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

1. What is drug-facilitated sexual assault?

The blame for sexual assault rests with the person who committed the assault.

Many survivors have feelings of self-blame after a sexual assault, including when someone takes advantage of them through the use of alcohol or other drugs. It’s important to remember that even when someone chooses to use substances, they are not giving up their bodily autonomy or choosing to be violated.

There are two primary ways that drug-facilitated sexual assault occurs.

A person takes advantage of someone’s voluntary use of alcohol or other drugs.
A person intentionally forces someone to consume alcohol or other drugs with or without their knowledge to manipulate the situation and commit sexual assault. This can include tactics like spiking drinks.

2. What should you look out for?

If you’re at a party or out with friends, it’s important to keep an eye out for sketchy situations that may indicate that someone is trying to facilitate sexual assault by using alcohol or other drugs.

Watch out for someone who is:

Coercing or pressuring someone to drink more or to take more drugs than they are comfortable with. This might sound like “Come one, take another shot.”
Initiating sexual contact with someone because they are intoxicated.
Isolating someone from their friends or the rest of the party.
Not telling someone what is in their drink or the type of dosage of drug they are ingesting. This might sound like “It will taste good; don’t worry about what’s in it.”

3. What are some common signs of a drugged drink?

Many symptoms of drugging are similar to those someone might experience from excessive drinking or purposefully mixing substances. Often, there is a sudden change in how someone feels or behaves. These symptoms typically occur quickly even when someone has consumed very little or no alcohol, and can be intensified if they were already under the influence

Signs of drugging to watch for:

Sudden onset of feeling drunk without having had much or any alcohol
Sudden difficulty breathing
Sudden dizziness, disorientation or blurred vision
Sudden nausea
Sudden body temperature that may result in sweating or teeth chattering
Waking up with no memory or missing large portions of memory

4. What should you do if you believe someone has been drugged?

You do not need to know if what you are witnessing is the outcome of a drugged drink, overdose, or alcohol poisoning to be able to offer help. If you notice any of the symptoms listed above in yourself or someone else, find a trusted person immediately. If someone is losing consciousness, put them in the recovery position.

Learn how to respond in alcohol or other drug emergencies

Friends and bystanders are particularly important in situations when someone is vulnerable due to intoxication. Stay with the person you are concerned about. If they are alert enough to leave the party or bar, use the buddy system to try and get them home or to emergency care.

Learn effective intervention strategies

If someone tells you after the fact that they can’t remember what happened during a night out or that their drink was drugged, offer support. You can validate how that must feel for them and aka their lead on how they might want to move forward.

5. What are some medical options?

Find support resources or a medical center that can provide medical forensic exams for sexual assault and test blood and/or urine for substances.

CU Medical Services at Wardenburg Health Center provides urine testing for drugs, pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
The two local hospitals with 24/7 nurses trained in medical forensic exams can be found here.

If someone suspects that they have been drugged, steps can be taken to preserve evidence for a possible criminal investigation. Many of these drugs leave the body quickly (typically within 12 to 72 hours). If someone can’t go to the hospital immediately, they can save their urine in a clean, sealable container as soon as possible and place it in the fridge. Urine drug screen samples are stable at room temperature for up to 36 hours. However, if the sample is not tested immediately, it should be refrigerated at 2-8 degrees Celsius for a maximum of four days.

6. What substances can be used to facilitate sexual assault?

Alcohol is the most used substance in drug-facilitated sexual assault.

Other substances can also be slipped into alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks. This is often referred to as drink spiking. Many drugs do not change the color, flavor, or odor of the beverage.

Substances that are often used to spike drinks include:

Prescription drugs like sleep aids, anxiety medication, muscle relaxers and/or tranquilizers.
Over- the- counter medications like Benadryl, which can increase intoxication when mixed with alcohol.
Street drugs like GHB, Rohypnol (‘roofies’), ecstasy, molly and/or ketamine (K).

7. What support resources are available?

If someone believes that they have been drugged or sexually assaulted, there are resources available to help.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) - Confidential resource
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, staff and faculty who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic or disturbing event, including sexual assault, physical assault, and/or drugging.

Don’t Ignore It
The Don’t Ignore It website provides information about reporting, getting support and helping a friend. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t ignore it.

Police
To have a case investigated by law enforcement, contact the police department where the experience happened. If it happens on campus or one is not sure about the jurisdiction, contact CU Boulder Police (CUPD) for support. For emergencies, call or text 911. The CUPD non-emergency line is 303-492-6666 or visit the website.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

Support for international students, staff and faculty
Individuals who have experienced certain crimes, such as sexual assault or domestic violence, may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Alcohol and other substances are often used to commit sexual assault. Here are some things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

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What to do if you think someone is experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner abuse

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Feb 2026 07:00:00 +0000

What to do if you think someone is experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner abuse Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 02/20/2026 - 00:00

People in a relationship that has toxic or abusive behaviors may experience physical, sexual, emotional/psychological, technological and financial manipulation and control.

Warning signs of abuse by an intimate partner

Seem afraid of their partner, anxious to please them, or be careful to agree with everything their partner says or wants
Have to constantly be accountable to their partner about where they are, what they’re doing or who they’re with
Talk about their partner’s temper or jealousy

Have frequent injuries or “accidents”

Frequently miss work, school or social occasions without a clear reason

Experience shifts in their personality, like decreased self-esteem, seeming depressed, or becoming anxious when they used to be confident or outgoing

Pull away from close relationships with friends and family or cherished hobbies
Have to seek their partner’s approval for activities, friendships, purchases or plans

Learn more about the warning signs of intimate partner abuse

How to help if you suspect someone is being abused

People experiencing abuse by an intimate partner may not call what is happening abusive. They also may not respond the way we’d expect them to when we share our concern about how they are being treated. Their reactions may range from being frightened for their life to not acknowledging there is a problem at all.

If you choose to talk with someone about what you are concerned about, remember the following:

Make sure it’s safe to talk. Choose a time and place that is safe and private. Be specific about what is concerning you. For example, “I am worried your partner is doing hurtful things” or “I am concerned that I do not see you in class/or at work anymore,” can be more helpful in starting a conversation than something more generic like, “Is everything okay?”
Listen carefully. Take the situation seriously and listen to your friend for the sake of hearing about their experience. Try your best to meet them where they are.
Mirror their language. If someone describes a situation that sounds like abuse to you, but they don’t use the word “abuse”, refrain from labeling it as such. Instead, match the words they are using to describe their experience.
Avoid criticizing or minimizing their experience. Telling them how they should feel about their partner’s behavior may put them in a position of feeling bad about themselves and defending their partner. Remember that it can be difficult for people to make sense of how they are being treated, especially when their partner also makes them feel good. Refrain from minimizing acts of harm or blaming them for not being more upset or for putting up with the hurtful behaviors they’ve endured.
Let them know you support them. Encourage them to build a support network by talking to supportive friends, family members, a support group, a hotline or a confidential advocate counselor on campus. People experiencing intimate partner abuse are often socially isolated due to the dynamics of their relationships.
Offer to give the help that they are asking for. Someone may choose to stay with a partner who is hurtful for a number of reasons. Avoid telling them what to do, judging them or pressuring them to leave. Instead, offer to help them in a way they need or want without trying to “fix” their relationship. You can refer them to confidential resources for support and information.
Help keep them safe. If they are worried about talking openly and safely about what is happening, it can be helpful to come up with a code word that means you will help them out in a certain way. For instance, if things escalate, they can text you and say, “We’re having hamburgers for dinner tonight.” You will then know it is time to call campus security, police, etc.
Support yourself. Caring for someone can be emotionally draining. If you are helping someone with an abusive partner, there are resources available for you, whether you’re a friend, family member, or peer.

Intimate Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence resources

Remember that help is available. The following resources support students, staff and faculty experiencing, or supporting someone experiencing abuse in a relationship. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term trauma-specific counseling services to all students, faculty and staff who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disrupting event, including intimate partner abuse. Call 303-492-8855 to connect with an OVA advocate counselor.

The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) enforces university policies around sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse and stalking, among other unwelcome behaviors. If you or someone you know in the CU community has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Individuals can also report something anonymously to OIEC.
Don’t Ignore It is an online resource to explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is – don’t ignore it.
The SafeHouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN) is a local confidential resource with a 24/7 crisis line (303-444-2424) and shelter.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a free and confidential service that provides a crisis hotline (1-800-799-7233) and other services to help you create a safety plan, connect with local resources, find support and more.

More Health & Wellness Articles

Do you feel weird about a friend's relationship? Here are some things you can do if you suspect someone is experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner abuse.

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6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 15:29:00 +0000

6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’ Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 02/13/2026 - 08:29

New relationships are exciting, especially when there’s an instant spark. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a supportive relationship. But some relationships that start off feeling great can shift in ways that are not so good once the excitement and novelty wear off.

Here are six things to know about love bombing.

1. What is love bombing?

‘Love bombing’ is a term used to describe overwhelming and often incongruent affection during the early stages of a friendship or dating relationship. One person goes above and beyond to please the other person by giving excessive compliments, pushing for commitment or more time together, making grand gestures and sending over-the-top gifts. Rather than feeling cared for or connected, the outcome makes the recipient feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or manipulated.

2. What does love bombing look like?

Knowing how to identify what feels good and what doesn’t can help inform discussions around boundaries and comfort level in any relationship. It can also serve as a guide for making important decisions about the relationship moving forward.

Here are some behaviors to pay attention to:

Extreme flattery

Receiving compliments can make us feel good and boost our confidence. On the flip side, too many compliments can feel overwhelming.

Love bombing can include:

Giving sweeping compliments before they really know someone.
Insisting on how much better or more unique someone is compared to other people, especially their exes or other friends.
Flattering someone so much that the compliments may feel forced, fake or inauthentic.

Getting too personal too quickly

Getting to know someone is important. If someone is getting too personal too quickly, it may feel invasive or awkward.

Love bombing can include:

Readily divulging highly personal details within the first few encounters (e.g. detailed dating history, medical/psychiatric history, financial or family issues, etc.).
Asking probing questions or pry in an effort to know everything about someone right away.
Asking the other person to share secrets with them before properly earning their trust.

Pressure to commit

All relationships have different timelines. If someone takes the reins or forces a relationship to move faster than the other person is comfortable with, it may be a sign to pause.

Love bombing can include:

Pressuring someone to commit to a relationship very early in the relationship.
Insisting on meeting close friends or family early on.
Having early and intense talks about the relationship’s future such as “when we move in together” or “I can’t imagine my future without you.”

Declarations of love

Deeper connections don’t happen overnight, even if sparks fly on the first encounter.

Love bombing can include:

Insisting on being soulmates.
Making big displays of affection or grand gestures in public or on social media.
Saying “I love you” very early on in a relationship (and may get upset if the sentiment is not reciprocated).

Intense clinginess

It’s normal to want to text, call and spend time with a new friend or potential partner. However, if someone becomes too clingy, it may quickly feel off putting.

Love bombing can include:

Texting, calling or asking to hang out non-stop, even if the other person is busy.
Inviting themselves along to the other person’s plans.
Making the other person feel guilty for ‘neglecting’ them.

Over-the-top gifts

Gifts can be a nice gesture, and if they are excessive or feel conditional, it can be a sign that someone is trying to exploit or manipulate others.

Love bombing can include:

Showering others in unneeded or unwanted gifts.
Taking gift-giving to an extreme (e.g. buying five bouquets of flowers instead of one).
Buying overly expensive or excessive gifts early on (e.g. jewelry, electronics, travel, etc.)

Constant reassurance

Everyone has insecurities, but if someone needs constant reassurance, praise or validation, it may be a sign of concern.

Love bombing can include:

Putting themselves down with the expectation that their partners will reassure them.
Getting upset when their friend or partner doesn’t respond to texts or get back to them quickly enough.
Asking for confirmation of the other person’s love for them or reassurance that they’re just as committed to the relationship.

Important note

In any relationship, it’s important to be mindful of our own emotions and experiences. If someone feels embarrassed about the intensity of a new relationship or downplays it because they worry people may judge them, those are good signs that someone may need to reflect on the relationship. Most importantly, if something feels off, it should be explored. There isn’t an obligation to stay in a relationship when it isn’t working.

3. What makes love bombing harmful?

People in any relationship need time to build trust, to practice helpful communication strategies, and to figure out how to disagree constructively. The overwhelming nature of love bombing artificially builds a sense that love exists before people in a relationship have had time to actually build trust. Overtime, relationships that don’t have established boundaries and supportive habits can turn hurtful.

Without a history of growing together, people in a relationship may try to get their needs met using other strategies. That can include someone trying to control the other person.

Here are some hurtful behaviors to look out for:

Limiting a person’s access to friends or family
Gaslighting the other person (e.g. shifting blame, denying the truth, minimizing or dismissing the needs of others, using love or friendship as an excuse for harmful behaviors, “forgetting” something that took place, etc.)
Acting out of unreasonable jealousy
Engaging in other abusive behaviors like intimidation or physical harm

4. What could someone do if they suspect love bombing?

Love bombing behaviors and patterns can be subtle. Keep in mind that kind gestures aren’t automatically indicative of love bombing or manipulation. If someone is in a new relationship and feels like something is amiss, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to terminate the relationship. Instead, they may just need to slow down and reflect on how they are feeling and what they want.

Here are some strategies you can use:

Discuss boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations that protect personal well-being. Setting and enforcing boundaries can help us navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment or burnout over things that may have otherwise been left unsaid. Consider:

How much time do we want to spend together in person, texting, or calling throughout the day?
How soon do we want to meet friends or family members?
What types of displays of affection are we comfortable with?

Take inventory

Taking time to reflect on our life and relationships can help us identify what is going well and what is not. When taking inventory of a relationship, it’s important to account for our own perspective and experience and the experience and perspective of the other person. For instance, it’s important to consider where both people are coming from, what is wanted in the relationship and how to move forward with one another if something isn’t working.

Consider reflecting on:

Is time spent differently than before the relationship? Is that working or not?
Has a relationship resulted in losing touch with other friends when that isn’t wanted?
Do both people want the same things out of the relationship?
Exploring answers to these questions can clarify whether a relationship is helpful for everyone involved.

Learn to recognize helpful behaviors in a relationship

Talk to an objective third party

Friends, family members, mental health providers, and other mentors might help us gain perspective on a new relationship. Choosing a trusted person who can offer some objectivity and less judgment may be helpful given the topic.

Someone may want perspective on:

Identifying concerns about a relationship that they might be missing or minimizing.
Exploring boundaries
Identifying what they value in a friend or partner

Accept that sometimes things just don’t work out

It can be difficult to give ourselves permission to change or leave a relationship that feels hurtful/unhelpful and it requires that we show ourselves compassion and kindness through this process.

Check out these helpful and unhelpful relationship behaviors

Prioritize your safety

If a romantic partner or friend oversteps boundaries or makes someone question their safety, including when attempting to end a relationship, it can be important to have a safety plan in place.

Check out these safety planning tips

5. How can I help a friend who is being love bombed?

It’s never a good idea to try and control someone else’s behavior. This is true even when we are trying to be good friends and get our loved ones out of relationships that don’t seem all that great. When we try to convince or persuade others, we often lose our ability to be a supportive listener and forfeit our loved one’s trust in the process. Opening up a conversation and holding space for a friend to process whether or not they think they want to make a change or not is one of the best ways to offer support.

Here are a few tips for starting a conversation if you suspect someone is in an unhealthy relationship

6. What resources are available?

If you or someone you know is struggling with behaviors in a relationship, there are resources available to help.

Campus resources

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential trauma-specific counseling and advocacy for students, staff and faculty around various traumatic experiences, including intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. Call 303-492-8855 (24/7) to talk to an advocacy counselor. Information related to intimate partner abuse is available on their website.

Available for: students, staff, faculty

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS works with students to address a variety of mental health concerns, including navigating relationships. They also offer process therapy groups to help students learn valuable skills related to building and maintaining healthy relationships with friends, family and romantic partners.

Available for: students

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

All CU Boulder staff and faculty can access free counseling services through FSAP, including short-term individual, relationship and family counseling. Employees do not need to use paid time off (PTO) or sick time in order to access FSAP services, including during the workday. FSAP offers various workshops.

Available for: staff, faculty

Don’t Ignore It

This free online resource can help students, staff, faculty and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

Available for: students, staff, faculty

Community resources

The Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN)

SPAN provides a number of services to the Boulder community, including a 24/7 crisis line, shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, housing and transitional services and anti-violence education.

Violence Free Colorado

This organization can provide information on shelters and 24/7 hotlines throughout Colorado. They also provide other information related to intimate partner abuse and domestic violence specific to Colorado.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

This hotline is available 24/7 and offers support in more than 200 languages at 1-800-799-7233. You can also chat with someone through their website at thehotline.org/help. All phone calls and chats are confidential.

The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ communities. Access 24/7 support by calling 1-866-488-7386. Support is also available through online chat and texting.

New relationships are often exciting. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can also shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off.

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

Emily Sampl — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 07:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about stalking Emily Sampl Mon, 01/12/2026 - 00:00

January is Stalking Awareness Month

Popular culture, like shows and movies, can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly turn into discomfort or fear when it’s unwelcome. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking.

1. Stalking can take many forms

Stalking can include a variety of tactics, both in person and online, of persistent unwanted behavior or contact, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, threatened or in danger.

Appropriate behaviors are: When someone says “no” and the other person respectfully leaves them alone and does not attempt to contact them again.
Concerning behaviors are: When someone says “no” and the other person continues to contact them again and again.

Examples of stalking behaviors may include:

Continually sending unwanted communications (including emails, texts, phone calls, handwritten notes, etc.).
Contacting or using other people to get information about a person or to find them.
Waiting for someone or showing up at places where they know the person will be such as their home, workplace or outside of classrooms.
Watching or following someone from a distance or spying on someone with a listening device, camera, tracking device or GPS.
Repeatedly leaving unwanted gifts, notes or other objects at a person’s residence, work, car or other location.
Catfishing or friending someone through fake accounts (to harass or trick the person).
Stealing or harming someone’s technological devices, schoolwork or other property, sentimental objects, people close to them or pets.
Entering someone’s home, lab, office or car and doing things to let someone know they had been there.
Hacking into someone’s social media, email or other accounts.

Here are some ways to identify appropriate and concerning behaviors that may prompt someone to seek additional help or support: /ova/difference-between-helpful-and-unhelpful-behaviors-relationships

2. Context is key

While stalking is often directed at a previous or current romantic partner, someone can also be stalked by roommates, friends, classmates, colleagues or someone they have never met or barely know, including matches on dating apps.

Gift giving, location tracking or sending multiple texts can be components of any relationship. It can feel really special for a roommate to bring a coffee just because they care or have friends checking an app to make sure someone got home safe. The key here is that these behaviors are wanted and help increase a sense of safety within the relationship instead of making someone feel untrusted or controlled.

From the outside, stalking may look innocuous, but to the person experiencing it, the behavior makes them feel unsafe or threatened. The context of the behavior and the impact it has on the recipient is what matters.

3. Help is available

It is worth noticing when someone else continues to contact you or your friend after they have been told “no” more than once. Consider sharing what is happening with someone else, or documenting dates and times of occurrences.

You do not have to resolve this on your own, especially when someone repeatedly shows up where they ought not be, makes indirect threats, or does not take “no” for an answer. Confidential advocates, law enforcement, and other professionals are here to help.

When someone makes direct threats or tries to harm or does harm another person or property, consider calling 911.

Stalking violates CU’s campus policies and is considered a serious crime in Colorado. CU Boulder provides a number of reporting and support options for those experiencing stalking.

Support resources for students, staff and faculty

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking behaviors, it’s important to connect them with appropriate support resources and services.

General support

The Don’t Ignore It website provides options for seeking confidential support on and off campus, skills for helping others and reporting options related to sexual misconduct, stalking, intimate partner abuse, harassment and discrimination, and if someone’s behavior is concerning.

Confidential support

Students, staff and faculty directly impacted by incidents like this, as well as witnesses and friends, can get confidential support and/or counseling through the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) by calling 303-492-8855, stopping by their drop-in hours (see website for dates and times) or filling out a confidential request form online. This form will only be reviewed by OVA staff—the university will not be notified, and no investigative action will take place. If you would like to get in contact with an OVA advocate counselor, be sure to include your contact information. OVA advocate counselors can help individuals explore their rights and options, make a safety plan, explore the impact of the experience, discuss reporting options, review living situations and more.

Informing the University

If you think you or a friend may be experiencing stalking, you can contact CU’s Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). OIEC can investigate concerns or address an incident through informal resolution options. Additionally, OIEC can provide safety and supportive measures, such as no contact orders, academic support remedies, housing adjustments and more. You can connect with OIEC by calling 303-492-2127, emailing oiec@colorado.edu or filling out a report online.

Informing Law enforcement

Reporting to the police can take many forms and doesn’t have to lead to filing criminal charges. An informational or anonymous report is sometimes an option to make the police aware of the situation. Individuals may have the option to ask police to contact the person to give a verbal warning or press criminal charges. If stalking behaviors have occurred on campus, contact the CU Boulder Police Department. Otherwise, contact your local police department.

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3 tips for dating in college

Emily Sampl — Thu, 03 Apr 2025 05:00:00 +0000

3 tips for dating in college Emily Sampl Wed, 04/02/2025 - 23:00

If you're using dating apps, consider using these expectations to help you tailor your profile and create meaningful filters. For instance, if you’re looking for something casual, you may want to consider filtering out people who are looking for a relationship or vice versa. Using these features and being honest about what you want allows you to set clear expectations and match with people who want similar things.

If you’re not looking to date or hook up while you’re at CU, that’s okay. However, if you’re in a relationship or open to dating, here are some tips that can help you create a meaningful, healthy and happy relationship.

1) Communicate your intent

To get the most out of dating, consider what you want from the experience. Not all crushes will turn into a relationship, but it can pay off to know what you want from a romantic interest.

Here are a few expectations to talk about together:

Talk through what you might be looking for. Clarify if it’s okay to date or hook up with other people or if you’d prefer to be exclusive. Keep in mind that your wants or expectations may change over time. Having ongoing conversations with your partner as your relationship evolves is key.
Does sharing similar political views, aspirations, lifestyle or other factors matter?
Clarify expectations about who will pay for things on a date. Keep in mind that sharing expenses when dating has been shown to help partners develop healthier boundaries.

It's important to remember that effective communication requires vulnerability. A prospective interest might reject you for having wants that don’t align with their own, which can be a difficult experience. However, having someone clearly communicate their intent, even if it turns out to be rejection, can still be a better outcome than being led on or having a date end poorly.

2) Embrace authenticity and connection

We are all hardwired to seek clarity, safety and stability in our relationships. However, modern dating culture may feel like low accountability and casual interactions are expected. We may feel pressured to play it cool, be chill, minimize what we want/need or avoid committing too early. Feeling constrained by dating norms and expectations can cause increased anxiety and uncertainty.

One way to combat this is to intentionally embrace authenticity and connection. Allow your true self to shine through, whether you’re meeting people online or in person. If you prefer apps, build a profile that reflects who you really are. Don’t be afraid to showcase your personality and values through photos, questionnaires or your bio. Staying true to your authentic self can make it more likely to find meaningful connections.

Remember that you can take it slow and let things evolve. Spend as much time as you need to get to know yourself and a romantic interest.

3) Identify and communicate your boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations we set for our behavior. Setting healthy boundaries can help us navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment, regret or fatigue.

Here are a few examples to consider:

Are you comfortable going out with someone who may be seeing other people at the same time?
Do you want to get to know someone over text before meeting up or meet up with people right away?
What physical touch are you comfortable with on a first date (e.g., handholding, hugging, kissing, sex, etc.)? How do you see physical touch evolving as you get to know someone?
How do you feel about going out with someone who has previously dated a friend or acquaintance?
Are there specific activities you’d like to avoid on dates (e.g., drinking, expensive outings, group events, etc.)?

Clarifying our boundaries in our mind first can help us communicate them and establish a healthy relationship with ourselves and potential partners.

Here are some ways you may set and communicate boundaries on dates:

“I am feeling uncomfortable. Can we do something else that we would both enjoy?”
“I’ve never done [activity] before. I’d like to go on a date with you, and I am down to try it. But if I end up not having a good time, will you be open if our plans need to change?”
“You’re hot and I really like you, but I’m not ready to have sex with you yet. Do you still want to meet up, or does that change your interest in going on our date?”

Be honest about your expectations and trust your gut. If someone dismisses your boundaries or pushes you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, they’re probably not a good fit.

Free guide for exploring sex

Sex is complicated, and you may not always know what you want. This free workbook can help you reflect on your preferences, desires, boundaries and the ways you think about sex.

Get your copy of The Sex Ed Workbook

Resources

While exploring relationships may feel easy and great, it can also be rocky or challenging. Here are some resources that are available for relationship support, self-exploration and more.

Support resources

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can meet for an informal, brief, confidential consultation with a CAPS counselor. Let’s Talk counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources. Students commonly visit with concerns about stress, sadness, worry, relationships, academic performance, family problems and financial struggles.

Medical Services

Medical Services offers sexual and reproductive health appointments and resources for all students, including birth control, annual exams, testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV prevention medications, free safer sex supplies and more.

Free safer sex supplies

Did you know you can get free safer sex supplies like condoms, dental dams, lube and more? Stop by the first or third floor of Wardenburg Health Center or order a free Buff Box for delivery to your residence hall.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free, confidential trauma-focused counseling, advocacy, information and referrals for all CU community members, including undergrad and graduate students, staff and faculty. They specialize in addressing current and past life-disruptive events, including but not limited to crime, trauma, sexual assault, partner abuse, experiences of bias, harassment, discrimination, assault, other abuse and violence.

Group therapy

CAPS offers process groups that provide a supportive space for students to deepen self-understanding and explore ways of relating more comfortably to others. This group can help students learn to deal with feelings of depression and anxiety, family dynamics and other personal concerns.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer wellness coaches are trained students who can help their fellow Buffs navigate their time at CU. They are here to help students set and achieve their goals related to academic success, relationships, time management, personal wellness and more.

Love bombing

New relationships are exciting, especially when you meet someone you instantly click with. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a healthy relationship to come. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off. Here are some signs to watch out for.

Stalking

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous intimate relationship, it can also occur between former friends, roommates or someone the person has never met before, including matches from dating apps. Learn how to identify stalking behaviors and connect with resources.

Intimate partner abuse

Intimate partner abuse occurs in relationships that are or have been intimate. Abuse can take many forms, including verbal, emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, financial or reproductive abuse. Learn how to identify intimate partner abuse and connect with resources, or learn the difference between healthy and abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Sexual assault

Sexual violence and abuse can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Learn about sexual assault, consent and resources available for students.

If you’re in a relationship or open to dating, here are some tips that can help you create a meaningful, healthy and happy relationship.

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Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers)

Emily Sampl — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 06:00:00 +0000

Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers) Emily Sampl Wed, 04/02/2025 - 00:00

Sometimes drinking can lead to unintended consequences (like hooking up with a roommate or kissing your ex). Navigating sex can be complicated, especially if alcohol or other drugs are involved.

Here are answers to some of the trickier questions around drinking, sex and consent.

What is consent and how is it given?

Consent is when people mutually agree to engage in sexual activities, whether it’s kissing, touching or sex. Consent consists of words or actions that create a clear understanding of what’s desired. It’s essential for making sex pleasurable.

It’s important to establish consent before fooling around. Consent is about setting personal boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. It’s important to check in if you’re unsure or things seem unclear.

Here are some consent essentials:

No one should be incapacitated by drugs or alcohol.
Someone can change their mind at any time during a sexual encounter and that choice must be respected.
Agreements are conditional. For instance, if you consent to sex with a condom and your partner doesn’t use one, that’s not consent.
Consenting to one sexual activity doesn’t mean you’ve consented to others. For instance, just because you are making out with someone doesn’t mean that you’ve automatically consented to have sex with them.

Is sex always considered nonconsensual when people have been drinking?

No. The use of alcohol or other drugs, in and of itself, doesn’t automatically mean a person is unable to consent. However, alcohol and drugs make it more difficult for someone to notice their own boundaries, other’s boundaries and clearly consent. When in doubt, it’s best to hold off on engaging in any sexual activity. Additionally, substance use cannot be used as a defense against allegations of sexual misconduct.

If you and your partner have been drinking at all, it’s best to check in verbally before having sex and during sex.

Ask things like:

"How much have you had to drink?"
"Are you feeling buzzed or drunk?"
"Are you feeling sober enough for sex or should we hold off?
Do you still feel like you’re in a good headspace for hooking up?
Do you want to keep going?
Do you want to stop?

Listen to your partner, pay attention to nonverbal cues and respect their boundaries. If they have difficulty responding to questions or aren't answering directly, stop until you know clearly what they want.

How much does someone need to drink before they can no longer give consent?

The impact of alcohol and other drugs varies from person to person. However, if someone is incapacitated for whatever reason, they are no longer able to give consent.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a rational, reasonable decision because they may lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when and why” of a sexual interaction. Incapacitation is often associated with alcohol or other drug use, but it can also involve other factors like sleep, illness, injury or disability. Here are some signs that indicate a person may be incapacitated and is unable to give consent:

Disorientation. Someone may lose track of where they are or who they are with, seem confused, forget basic information or repeat themselves (lack of short-term memory).
Loss of motor control. Someone may have difficulty performing tasks like inserting a key into a lock, getting something out of their wallet, walking on their own or dressing and undressing themselves.
Unconsciousness. Someone may be unconscious, which includes being asleep.

If these factors are present, consent is not possible regardless of what the person is saying or doing.

Engaging in sexual activity when someone could have understood the other person to be incapacitated is considered sexual assault.

What if people are in a relationship?

In many relationships, consent doesn’t always entail an explicit conversation about sex every time it happens. However, romantic or sexual involvement with someone doesn’t give that person permission to have unwanted sex or contact with someone. The inability for there to be consent when someone is incapacitated still applies even in relationships.

What if people want to have sex while under the influence?

Intentionally choosing to be under the influence of alcohol or another drug while having sex may be something to discuss with your partner when you are both sober. Because consent is ongoing, people who while sober agreed to an intoxicated sexual experience can still change their mind once they are high or tipsy. Alcohol and other drugs can impact the way we communicate, which makes checking in with yourself and with your partner even more important.

If you or your partner become so high or drunk that either one of you are incapacitated (disoriented, loss of motor control, unconscious) or unable to make decisions, sex needs to stop. In that case, consent is not possible.

Campus resources

Don’t Ignore It is an online resource to explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is – don’t ignore it.

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) provides free and confidential trauma-focused counseling and advocacy support to undergraduate and graduate students, as well as staff and faculty. They can help people navigate resources, explore all their different rights and options and/or help with processing and healing from the impact of the experience.

The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) implements and enforces university policies around sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse and stalking, among other unwelcome behaviors. If you or someone you know in the CU community has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Individuals can also report something anonymously to OIEC.

Navigating sex can be complicated, especially if alcohol or other drugs are involved. Here are answers to some of the trickier questions around drinking, sex and consent.

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5 things everyone should know about consent

Valerie Padilla — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 15:09:25 +0000

5 things everyone should know about consent Valerie Padilla Mon, 10/21/2024 - 09:09

Navigating relationships and sexuality in college can be exciting and challenging. It can help to understand what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

Here are five things to know about consent.

1. Consent comes first

Before engaging in any sexual activity, it’s necessary to establish consent. This is true regardless of your current relationship status or sexual history.

Think of consent as a continuous agreement between sexual partners. It can be communicated through words or actions that demonstrate a shared understanding and agreement for a given sexual activity. This practice provides each person with the opportunity to set personal boundaries and understand the boundaries of others.

Establishing affirmative consent requires a level of safety and vulnerability to share what we want and remain open to the potential of being disappointed, disappointing someone else or being rejected. While this can feel challenging, it’s important to recognize that open and honest conversations about sex are essential and make the experience better.

2. Consent is fluid

Consent is less about agreeing to do something and more about agreeing to try something.

People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected, even if they were initially okay with it. Additionally, agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to other sexual activities, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t imply it’s okay to take it further.

Keep in mind that some people may not feel comfortable communicating their boundaries or desires directly or explicitly. Many students have little or no experience with sex, may be inexperienced with different types of sex or navigating sex with a new partner. We may know or have ideas about what feels good for us, but we can’t know what feels good for someone else. It may be difficult for someone to articulate exactly what they want, especially if the experience is new. That’s why it’s important to be tuned into different signals to avoid overstepping someone’s boundaries. It can also be helpful to confirm continued consent. For instance, you can ask things like, “Does this feel good?” or “Let me know if you want to stop or do something different?”

3. Consent can be verbal or physical

Consent can be expressed both verbally and physically. Sex requires flexibility in how people communicate their willingness to engage in different activities.

Verbal consent means that a person is using words to convey clear permission. Physical consent, like non-verbal body language and facial expressions, conveys permission through actions. No matter how consent is communicated, it’s important that it creates a mutual understanding that something is wanted. Keep in mind that if you’re relying on a single cue to signal consent, you might be missing other important information that may communicate someone’s consent or non-consent.

Here are some examples of what consent can look like:

Consent can look like...

Direct, brief answers that give permission (e.g., yes, absolutely, etc.)

Concrete planning (e.g., “I’d love to! Now?”)

Direct eye contact

Moving closer

Nodding and smiling

Initiating touch in response to a suggestion

Reciprocating touch

Consent doesn’t look like...

Indirect answers or pauses (e.g., “I don’t know right now” or “Maybe...I’m not sure.”

Avoiding eye contact

Looking closed off

Leaning away

The way someone is dressed

A reward for favors (e.g., gifts, rides, money, etc.)

*A person who does not want to consent to sex is not required to resist.

4. Incapacitation doesn’t count

Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they’re saying or doing.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable or rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Keep in mind that the use of alcohol or drugs, in and of itself, does not render a person incapacitated, nor is it a defense against an allegation of sexual misconduct. The impact of alcohol and/or drugs varies from person to person. Someone who is aware or should know that an individual is incapacitated and engages in sexual activity with that individual, is in violation of university policy and the law.

Some signs of incapacitation that may indicate a person is unable to consent:

Disorientation, which could include a person losing track of where they are or who they are with, being confused or unable to remember basic information, or repeating themselves (lack of short-term memory).

Loss of motor control, which means a person may not be able to do basic things like insert a key in a lock, not be able to get something out of a wallet, not be able to dress or undress themselves or walk on their own.

Unconsciousness, including being asleep or passed out.

It can also be helpful in sexual relationships to talk through how you both feel about having sex or doing sexual activities while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

5. Work together to improve your experience

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and satisfying sex life. By creating an environment where both people feel safe to express their desires, concerns and boundaries freely, sexual partners can create more intimate and enjoyable sexual experiences.

Remember, good sex looks different for different people, and it's an ongoing process of discovery and mutual care.

Here are some topics to consider discussing:

What is something that I do that really turns you on?

Is there a new position or activity you’d like to try together?

What are your favorite forms of foreplay?

Do you have any fantasies you might like to explore?

What makes you feel most comfortable and safe during sex?

Are there any things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?

How can we better communicate our needs during sex?

How do you want me to talk about your body or refer to specific body parts?

What can I do to make you feel more satisfied during and after sex?

When having conversations about sex, it’s important to not shy away from more sensitive subjects like past experiences that may influence your current preferences or anxieties. These conversations also don't have to be formal—they can happen naturally during quiet moments together, over dinner, in the car or lying in bed.

Through open communication, you can create a sex life that is not only consensual but deeply satisfying for you and your partner.

Campus resources

There are a number of resources on campus that can support your sexual health and relationship well-being.

SexEd Workbook
This guided workbook can help you explore what sex means to you, how your own body experiences pleasure and more. This is a great place to start when thinking through sexual experiences and considering questions you may not have considered before.

Skill-building workshops
The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) offers free discussion-based sessions to help students explore sexual decisions and communication. Topics include consent, pleasure, boundaries and sexual assault.

Sexual and reproductive health
Medical Services providers are here to support all CU Boulder students learn about their bodies and take care of their sexual and reproductive health. Services include exams, birth control, gynecological services, vaccines, HIV prevention and more.

Safer sex supplies
Students living on campus can order a free Buff Box that includes supplies and information about safer sex, including condoms, lube, dental dams and more.

Students living off campus can stop by Wardenburg to pick up free safer sex supplies.

STI testing
Students can schedule an in-person or telehealth appointment to get testing recommendations, review results or order STI tests from the lab. Drop-in testing is also available at the lab in Wardenburg Health Center.

Let’s Talk
Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can check in for an informal, brief and confidential consultation with a counselor to discuss relationships, sex, gender and more.

Apothecary Pharmacy
The Apothecary Pharmacy at Wardenburg Health Center provides prescription medications and over-the-counter products, including emergency contraception, condoms, pregnancy tests and more.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including, but not limited to, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and harassment.
Confidential resource

Sexual assault

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.

Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).

Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Sexual assault can also include going against an established mutual agreement, such as agreeing to have sex with a condom and then lying or removing it without a partner’s knowledge.

Learn more about sexual assault and available resources.

Important: Under Colorado law, a person under the age of 15 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is four or more years older than they are. A person who is 15 or 16 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is more than 10 years older

Learn what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

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6 tips to help prevent sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 tips to help prevent sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 10/25/2023 - 00:00

Halloween celebrations that involve alcohol and other substances can also make it easier for problematic behaviors and unwelcome advances to go unnoticed. Here are some tips to stay safe and have fun over Halloween weekend.

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Tips for living with roommates off campus

Anonymous — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 20:09:11 +0000

Tips for living with roommates off campus Anonymous (not verified) Tue, 07/26/2022 - 14:09

Living off campus can pose additional challenges and responsibilities that you may not encounter in on-campus housing. This can include things like rent, utilities, lawn care, parking, grocery shopping and navigating roommate issues more independently. Here are some tips to help you make the most of living off campus with roommates.

Create ground rules

While you’re not required to have a roommate agreement off campus, we highly encourage you and your roommates to create one. Even if you’re living with friends, a significant other or the same roommates as last year, it’s important to create or revisit ground rules to avoid conflict around things like rent, utilities, visitors, etc.

Here are some helpful topics to consider for off-campus students:

Rent (who owes what, how to pay/reimburse each other, due dates, etc.)
Utilities (whose names are utilities under, splitting bills, etc.)
Parking (how to share a parking space/garage, costs, permits, etc.)
Deposits (who pays and how much, reimbursement for damage, etc.)
Pets (what kinds, breed restrictions, pet rent, care, etc.)
Morning and nighttime routines (quiet hours, class times, waking/sleeping hours, etc.)
Cleanliness of shared spaces (laundry, trash, dishes, clutter, chores, etc.)
Visitors (friends, significant others, overnight guests, gatherings, etc.)
Borrowing or using each other’s things (electronics, food, clothes, toiletries, etc.)
Purchasing common items (cleaning supplies, toilet paper, food, etc.)
Preferred ways for addressing conflict
Quality vs. alone time
Substance use (partying, vaping, drinking, marijuana, etc.)

Think through your expectations, habits and routines before you move in (or soon after) and come prepared to create a shared roommate agreement. You can use this free Roommate Agreement Template from Off Campus Housing and Neighborhood Relations to help you get started. You can also get free legal advice if you have questions about your lease or rights when living with roommates.

Be a good neighbor

Living off campus comes with extra responsibilities, like being a good roommate and a good neighbor. Here are some simple ways you can be a good neighbor and avoid conflict with longer-term residents:

Introduce yourself

Introduce yourself to your neighbors. If you’re nervous about introducing yourself in person, consider filling out this free Neighbor Contact Form to leave in their mailbox or on their front door.

Follow city ordinances

Make sure you’re aware of Boulder ordinances, including occupancy restrictions, furniture and trash requirements, snow removal, yard maintenance and fireworks laws. Reviewing these rules can help you avoid citations, nuisance complaints and other forms of conflict with neighbors or law enforcement. Be sure to also follow neighborhood or community rules related to pet waste, street parking, etc. It’s also important to know that everyone listed on a lease can receive a citation for ordinance infractions, regardless of whether or not you are all present at the time of the infraction.

Make amends

Stuff happens. You may forget to take out your trash or park in front of a neighbor’s driveway (whoops). If you make a mistake that may annoy their neighbors, remember to handle the situation in person, listen to your neighbor’s perspective and consider making appropriate amends (e.g. helping with lawn care, shoveling snow, taking out trash, etc.).

Understand conflict styles

Everyone handles conflict differently, depending on the situation, their conflict style and who they’re in conflict with. However, there are some common themes that may show up in a person’s response again and again. Exploring how you approach conflict can be a great starting point for learning or refining your skills around conflict resolution.

Take our free Conflict Style Quiz to learn how you approach conflict and how your ‘default’ response may impact your behaviors or attitudes in different situations. You can also share this quiz with your roommates or housemates to start the conversation around how different people handle conflict.

Take the Conflict Style Quiz

Practice communication skills

It’s best to address roommate issues quickly before they fester. Addressing issues through texting, social media or sticky notes on the door may lead to miscommunication or increased frustrations. This is because we can’t always know how the message will be received by the other person. A simple reminder to “take out the trash” may turn into something more.

Instead, try to address any potential issues in person. It can be helpful to make a plan and think through how you can express your needs before approaching your roommate. Using “I” statements to describe how the situation makes you feel is a helpful way to start.

Here are some examples:

“I feel hurt when I’m not invited to game night because I really enjoy hanging out with you.”
“I feel frustrated when the trash doesn’t get taken out because we agreed to switch off who takes care of it each week.”
“I am upset that my coat was damaged because I can’t afford to replace it.”
“I feel hurt when my snacks get eaten by others because it’s hard for me to make it to the grocery store.”

When talking through issues with your roommates, remember to listen for understanding and ask follow-up questions during the conversation. Resist the urge to formulate a response to what the other person is saying while they’re speaking. Instead, you should be focusing your full attention on the emotions, issues and reasoning behind what your roommate is saying.

Support resources

Conflict Resolution

All students, regardless of if you live on or off campus, can visit Conflict Resolution. They can help you navigate conflicts between roommates, significant others, professors, classmates and more. They also offer free workshops, mediation and coaching sessions if you’re looking to improve your skills around conflict management and resolution.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer Wellness Coaches provide peer-to-peer support and are available to meet with students living on or off campus. They can help you navigate concerns related to roommates, relationships, stress, finances and more. Peer Wellness Coaches can also help you set goals, connect with additional resources and create self-care plans.

Off Campus Housing & Neighborhood Relations (OCHNR)

OCHNR is here to help students with all aspects of living off campus, from searching for an apartment and roommate, understanding Boulder housing options and providing free lease reviews with our staff attorney, to navigating roommate disagreements, understanding Boulder ordinances and advocating for tenant rights.

Center for Inclusion and Social Change (CISC)

CISC works with LGBTQ+ students living on and off campus. They can provide information on gender-inclusive residence hall programs, gender-neutral facilities and more. Their office can also help students find inclusive housing and roommates that will be welcoming and supportive.

Support for potentially harmful living situations

In some cases, you may feel like you are stuck in a traumatic, toxic or harmful living situation. Harmful behaviors or experiences can include harassment, stalking, partner abuse, sexual or physical assault and hazing, to name a few. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) can provide additional support to help you explore your rights and options, make a safety plan, get medical treatment if needed, discuss your living situation and more.

Get connected with OVA by calling 303-492-8855, emailing assist@colorado.edu or filling out a confidential request form online. Submission forms are only reviewed by confidential OVA staff and will not be shared with the university. If you would like to be contacted by an OVA advocate counselor, please be sure to include your contact information on the form.

Learn more about OVA

Living off campus can pose additional challenges and responsibilities that you may not encounter in on-campus housing. Here are some tips to help you make the most of living off campus with roommates.

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Tips for navigating and coping with grief

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 20:23:19 +0000

Tips for navigating and coping with grief Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 03/23/2022 - 14:23

Grief encompasses all of the ways we respond to the loss of someone or something that is important to us. Grief manifests in different ways for different people, and it’s important to remember that there is no one ‘correct’ way to grieve. Whether you or someone you know is grieving, here are some tips that can help you navigate and cope with grief.

Life events that can trigger grief

There are a variety of events that can trigger grief. Sometimes, losses are concrete, such as when a loved one passes away. Other losses may feel more ambiguous, such as when we move to a new place, change majors or break up with someone.

Here are a few examples of life events that can trigger grief for students:

Death and dying

The death or impending death of a friend, family member, significant other, pet or loved one.

Serious illness

Coping with a terminal or life-altering illness or the illness of a loved one.

Divorce or separation

Life changes, like the divorce or separation of one’s parents, or other serious family conflicts.

Academic challenges

Students may fall short or not reach the level of academic success that they expected. This can include things like test scores, GPA, admission to a specific degree program or other academic milestones.

Relationship struggles

Coping with relationship problems from general conflict to abusive behaviors. This can also encompass the end of interpersonal relationships, including friendships or romantic partnerships.

Career challenges

Students may grieve the loss of their ideal career, struggles securing a job after graduation or difficulties related to financial security or debt repayment.

What does grief feel like?

People who are grieving may experience a wide range of reactions and emotions. Feelings of grief can be intense or subtle. It’s also normal for feelings of grief to surge and subside over time. Here are some common symptoms that people experience during the grieving process:

Remorse: A grieving person may become preoccupied by what they could have done differently to prevent a loss from happening or to alter the outcome of an event.
Anger: Individuals may feel a sense of injustice or powerlessness over their situation, which can lead to feelings of anger or vengeance. Loss can also threaten beliefs that we hold about ourselves or the world around us, which can lead to feelings of confusion or regret.
Denial/numbness: Sometimes people need to distance themselves from significant losses or pain. This can show up as denial or numbness around a particular event or loss.
Feeling down: After a loss, people who are grieving may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness or hopelessness. Some people may retreat or withdraw from social groups after a loss or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, especially if they are associated with their loss.
Physical symptoms: Emotional stress and grief can also cause a variety of physical symptoms, including headaches, nausea, stomach pains, changes in appetite, insomnia and other ailments.

Learn more about symptoms of grief

Supporting someone who is grieving

Grief is often misunderstood, and it can be a tricky subject to approach, especially if someone has experienced a loss. However, there are ways that we can support ourselves and others through the process.

Ways to take care of yourself while grieving…

Take care of your basic needs. Rest, eat well and stay hydrated. For some, it may also be good to embrace physical contact (like hugs) as part of the healing process. Get more self-care ideas.
Take time to grieve. Grief can sneak up on us when we least expect it. Try to dedicate time to grieving. This will give you a structured way to get it out, while enjoying moments of peace during other times of the day.
Connect with others. Surround yourself with people who will let you experience your feelings, whether you need to cry, sit in silence or tell someone your story again and again.
Channel your feelings. Find an outlet for your feelings. Journaling can be a great way to express and externalize everything that is going on inside of you. You may also find talking to be helpful. Find what works best for you and dedicate time to working through your feelings.
Be patient. Your grief may take longer to process than you or others expect. Be patient with yourself as you work through your feelings and show yourself kindness as you move through this process.

Ways to support someone who is grieving…

Reach out. Grief can feel isolating, so it’s important to reach out to our loved ones who are grieving. Check in with them and let them know you’re thinking about them.
Help out. Offer support by helping out with household chores, meals, planning social events or other tasks that may feel overwhelming.
Listen to them. Take time to listen to your loved one and let them express their emotions. Avoid sharing judgment or advice. Instead, try to simply be there for them.
Don’t avoid the subject. If someone lost a person they were close to, don’t worry about avoiding the person’s name or bringing them up in conversation. Remember that the loss of someone doesn’t mean they should be forgotten.
Encourage them to seek support. If someone is struggling with grief or depressive feelings, encourage them to seek support. Campus resources are available for students, staff and faculty.

Resources

Student resources

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS offers short-term counseling, consultation services, workshops, community referrals and crisis support for CU Boulder students and graduate students.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer Wellness Coaching is a free service available to students to help them set and achieve wellness goals. Peer wellness coaches are familiar with a variety of topics, including stress, relationships, academics, self-care, sleep, finances and more.

Health Promotion

Health Promotion offers free weekly programs that focus on self-care, community-building, stress management and more. Topic areas change weekly and events are open to all students.

Staff and faculty resources

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Relationships

7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault

1. What is drug-facilitated sexual assault?

2. What should you look out for?

3. What are some common signs of a drugged drink?

4. What should you do if you believe someone has been drugged?

5. What are some medical options?

6. What substances can be used to facilitate sexual assault?

7. What support resources are available?

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What to do if you think someone is experiencing domestic violence or intimate partner abuse

Warning signs of abuse by an intimate partner

How to help if you suspect someone is being abused

Intimate Partner Abuse/Domestic Violence resources

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6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’

1. What is love bombing?

2. What does love bombing look like?

Extreme flattery

Getting too personal too quickly

Pressure to commit

Declarations of love

Intense clinginess

Over-the-top gifts

Constant reassurance

3. What makes love bombing harmful?

4. What could someone do if they suspect love bombing?

Discuss boundaries

Take inventory

Talk to an objective third party

Accept that sometimes things just don’t work out

Prioritize your safety

5. How can I help a friend who is being love bombed?

6. What resources are available?

Campus resources

Community resources

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

January is Stalking Awareness Month

1. Stalking can take many forms

2. Context is key

3. Help is available

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3 tips for dating in college

1) Communicate your intent

2) Embrace authenticity and connection

3) Identify and communicate your boundaries

Free guide for exploring sex

Resources

Support resources

Free safer sex supplies

Read more

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Drinking and sex: Tricky questions (and surprising answers)

What is consent and how is it given?

Is sex always considered nonconsensual when people have been drinking?

How much does someone need to drink before they can no longer give consent?

What if people are in a relationship?

What if people want to have sex while under the influence?

Campus resources

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5 things everyone should know about consent

1. Consent comes first

2. Consent is fluid

3. Consent can be verbal or physical

4. Incapacitation doesn’t count

5. Work together to improve your experience

Campus resources

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6 tips to help prevent sexual assault

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Tips for living with roommates off campus

Create ground rules

Be a good neighbor

Introduce yourself

Follow city ordinances

Make amends

Understand conflict styles

Practice communication skills

Support resources